After like 7 years already, I'm still asking myself, ''why is this
happening to me?" Why can't I live happily? However, no matter how much I
want to say, ''This is so unfair!", I still can't say it loudly. It is
not like my childhood is a misery, in fact, it was a happy one. Honestly
speaking, even till now, I still can't accept the fact. Every time I
look at her, I feel miserable. I want to cry so much. Keep on yelling,
WHY? Looking at her sunken face with scraggly look. Getting thinner and
thinner everyday, Barely able to walk. Couldn't sleep, Coughing for the
whole day. Staring at you blankly, wondering what's on her mind? Can't
drink much water even when the weather is hot or when she is sick,
Replacing ice cubes with water just in case she over-drink and
suffocated. I feel angry. I find millions of reasons and excuses to hate
her so that I don't care about her. So that I feel nothing when she
finally leaves me. I tried very hard to delete her from my memory. I
avoid looking at her face. Feeling despair and sorrow with the
sad-looking eyes. Yet, I'm still here, tears rolling down my cheeks
silently. My conscience keeps on reminding me who is she. What i'm doing
now is wrong but it makes me feel better temporarily before the clock
strikes again and I have to wake up in the reality. I feel like i'm a 2
different people before and after I wake up in the real world. Now,
she either spends her lives on her wheelchair or lying on the ground
staring at you blankly with the sad looking eyes. Skin wrapping on her
bones is what still left. Can't wear her socks by herself anymore. She
is just like on old baby whom need to be looked after. Bath for her,
Changing diapers for her, Make sure the food is not too hard for her to
chew. All I can say is only God...........
Rebonding and contact lens
Phew!!...Finally..i got my hair done. i went to salon and get my hair straightened. this is for new year and new look. in other words, " gai bian zi zhi " hahaha. i went to the salon in plaza pudu and it costed me Rm160. hm...to me is okaylar...comparing the price when some of my friends had done it before. i hope, it lasts long, otherwise, my money just flew away for nothing. (touchwood) first, they washed my hair. hey, the feeeling was good!!! i can't remember how long i have been to salon already. all this while, my mom is my private barber. hahaha then, they blew my hair, applying cream (alkaline, if i'm not mistaken), steamed my hair, wash my hair one more time, blew them, applying for more cream, wash again and blew them, then only they started to iron my hair...then, wash again, and iron my hair..and finally trimmed my hair..all these processed took nearly 5 hours to be done. However, the result is good. Way better than my previous hair where they are all d
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